Wednesday, March 6, 2013


Okay, so remember those big billowy waves I was ranting about in my last post? I'm going to show you how to do them, because despite my inherent prejudices they do have a lot of slut commercial appeal. (KNOW THINE ENEMY)

The first time I noticed these immense, free-flowing, rife-with-prosthesis locks was on a younger Miley Cyrus:


And over the next few years, and up until very recently these weave-ridden shenanigans were the mainstay of every event, red carpet, and photoshoot of Hollywood and beyond. Every starlet and "Real Housewife of                " no matter formal the occasion, decided that this was the desired look. Thankfully, the trend has begun to die down. Smarter Hollywood gays (ahem, hairsylists) have begun to convince their high-class clientele to go a bit shorter and more demure with their hair style selections. Moreover, shorter haircuts or updos have begun to grace the pages of Vogue, Harpers Bazaar, and W magazine
      Whats interesting to mention at this point is that in this transition, I have noticed a divide. High fashion magazines have already moved on from these loose-flowing locks to more sophisticated or edgier looks, but other magazines, such as Elle, Glamour, and magazines geared towards young girls (I'm looking at you, Seventeen), as well as the tabloids have remained with this hairstyle. If you want to be a trend setter and not a trend victim, girls, always go with the Vogue- try to follow the models, not the celebrities. Some celebs are still rocking this look currently, and take it to some shocking lengths. Here are the worst offenders:

Kimora Lee Simmons,
Sofia Vergara (Eeessy, Breessy, byootifurl)- but she's allowed, I love her,
Jennifer Love Hugetits,        

and this rare species of Ostrich indigenous only to the E! Network.


So since this style still carries some clout and can make a big impact at social functions AND since my hair model Carolyn Paine (read the following in a ghetto voice) got herseff a fancay new setta 18 inch hayah extenshuns, I decided to replicate this look. (Plus it was snowing and we had some afternoon wine to take care of) Here we go!

1. Get a sad "before" shot of your model when she looks like the spitting image ofTina Fey after a pizza and booze bender with Amy Poehler, Megan Mullaly, Rachel Dratch, Kathy Griffin, Kristen Wiig, and Maya Rudolf ( you know those girls party together, like Lohan-style).

2. Assemble your curling iron (any medium sized barrel, 1.5 inch barrel works great!) hair extensions (they are super necessary for this look (18 inches or so will do), come in a variety of colors- AND ALWAYS USE HUMAN HAIR), and brushes. 
3. Brush out all hair pieces, assuming you have already measured them to your head, created three separate tracks, and sewn clips to said tracks. Also brush out your real people hair. That helps.

 4. Designate the midline of the head (aka where the hair will part), usually the hair for this look goes straight down the middle but it is open for the compromise. Begin curling the entire head in good old fashioned barrel curls that curl AWAY from the face on either side, making sure the direction of the curl follows suit from the face to the back of the head. This means that the curls will be in opposite directions, but continue the movement away from the face. Essentially what this does is by the time the entire style is completed by the last step, is that when you move, you will look like you are standing in front of one of Beyonce's finest wind machines even if you're standing still. 

 and don't you worry, by the time you are done, the curls will settle and look more natural. Impatient bitches. 

5. HERE COMES THE FAKE SHIT! I'm assuming your created three separate tracks by size, and I would teach you how to make those, but I'd have to charge. Separate the hair, being careful not to crush the curls. Clip the smallest track in near the base of the neck and work your way up. (You might have 2 or 3)

 6. This is what the look will be with the extensions in, before you curl the tracks:

7. Then curl those bitches, keep attention to directing the curl away from the face.

8. After a little while the curls settle and give more of a natural feel:

9. Then apply a wind effect and a heavy instagram filter Totally natural!!!:

 10. Then stick her in a bikini and put her out in the snow for a great before and after slut shot, look at the good I do:

And there it is! The secret to looking like a Hollywood starlet: SLAVING AWAY FOR HOURS OVER A HOT CURLING IRON, 18 INCHES OF FAKE HAIR, AND A GAY GUY! This is Alex, signing off until some other trend offends me (aka very soon). Good night and good luck!

Friday, March 1, 2013


DEAREST LADIES AND HOMOSEXUALS (welllll.....mostly ladies because the gays should know better by now)::::
 Hypothetical: So, lets say you're a celebrity, or a rich fashionista, or hell, even a girl from the midwest going to the prom. You've spent an exorbitant amount of money on a dress (the scale of this depends on your financial situation, but lets say that you've spent more than you're comfortable with, or if you're the "celebrity" in this case, a designer has given you something spectacular on loan) SO WHY THE FUCK are you going to go to the salon, and tell your stylist/gay that you want your hair to look like you don't give a shit.There is something wrong with the current generation of girls, where they think that a low, messy side-bun, or tousled, flowing, yet unkempt curls are suitable for a formal occasion. Vanessa Lawrence, a journalist for W magazine, spoke of this in a recent article, regarding the hairstyles seen at a formal gala:

 "But while their outfits spoke to the night’s dress code, their hair fell a bit flat—literally. Sleek blowouts, tousled strands, and Veronica Lake waves were about as sophisticated as things got from the neck up. Where were the Audrey Hepburn French twists, the Grace Kelly ballet buns, the high and tight chignons of Faye Dunaway? Go to any number of society events and scan the room during dinner. Until the ladies stand up in their five-figure dresses, they could just as easily be at Sunday brunch, judging by their casual locks. It seems as if the once glamorous updo has gone the way of the dodo" ( W Archives, 2012)

 So I ask the following questions: What ever happened to you wanting the world to think that you cared? What happened to letting the world know that you had the style, class, finesse, and cash to carry the regal attitude of an updo? What happened to matching the glitz of your dress to the glitz of your hair? Long story short (too late): WHAT HAPPENED TO THE UPDO?

 Now I'm not talking about today's top-knot bun, I'm talking those elegant, sculptural, and impeccably-coiffed wedding-cake-esque do's of the 1960's. The real ozone-busters. I think we need a real return to the more labor-intesive hairstyles and shy away from the loose-locked ways of current celebs (though Sofia Vergara gets to keep it...she just does) at least for formal events. However, since most of you girls would cringe at the thought of doing an updo that doesn't involve a braid, a messy Taylor Swift-esque side-bun, or some loose tendrils, im gunna start with baby steps and give you some Sarah Jessica Parker glamour with my patented (read: not at all patented) Robin's Nest Bouffant!


SOOOOO HERES HOW YOU GET THIS LOOK! (with my hair Barbie- Carolyn Paine )

  1.  Assemble: Hairspray, a bristle brush, a paddle brush. a hair doughnut, hair ties, a teasing comb, bobby pins.
  2. Get a really sad "before" shot when your subject is not prepared/wearing makeup:

 3. Pull the hair into a high ponytail on the crown of the head, smoothing the hair with a bristle brush.
 4. Pull ponytail through hair doughnut

5. Using a teasing comb, relentlessly back-comb the hair until it is well textured, to give a kinky, feathery, high- fashion appearance.

6. Begin to gently swirl the hair around the doughnut (imagine you're swirling some cotton candy), pinning where necessary, being sure to pay attention to symmetry and volume. The key isn't to create a "bun" so much as some sort of quasi-beehive. So a small degree of finesse is needed to achieve the final look.

7. And now, the model is so damn fabulous, you might as well throw on a tiara her and send her to the Opera or to breakfast (at Tiffany's)

 There you have it ladies!! A gateway drug hairstyle, that will surely add a touch of class and sophistication to your next look. Lets move bravely into a more "put together" future, and leave the beach hair, Brazilian blowouts, and T-Swift baby-doll buns at the beach, Jersey shore fist pumping bar, and junior semi-formal homecoming dance, respectively.

(Note: classier hairstyles may lead to the following activities: spending beyond your means, having the urge to host 8-course dinner parties, shopping at designer shoe stores, going to afternoon (ahhhftanoon) tea at the Plaza Hotel with your gay friend; "taking in" museums, art galleries, and other performances instead of going to work; getting lost on the upper-east side, buying homes in the Hamptons, uncontrollable urges to "summer" in Newport, RI, drinking champagne at any time of the day, spending $600 on Pierre-Herme macarons, getting a boyfriend with an unlimited credit account at Brooks Brothers, and becoming close personal Facebook friends with Gweneth Paltrow)

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

BACK AGAIN! this post: things that aren't pretty (Boys I'm coming for you)

Hello there, Darlings. I'm back again, and I promise I have some wonderful, stylish things for you!But this first post is the catalyst for my return. Living as a gay in NYC, I have come across a very disturbing hair trend among my people. And though I know its origin, whats sad is that it wont go away. I speak of course, about this shit:

I dont know what to call it per se, but someone needs to bring awareness to whatever this mess is.The hairstyle, like where most trends the gays cling to in this world, started on the runways (As opposed to the other locations where gay trends start: dance studios, drag clubs, and Karl Lagerfelds boy-harem dungeon). I'm assuming some stylist was going for some sort of bouffant/faux hawk and got a little "clipper happy" and ended up not tapering the sides of the head properly, which resulted in a very harsh line between the long and short aspects of hair down the midline of the head. This hairstyle has ravaged the streets of the West Village and beyond, and I'm starting to long for the days when boys kept their hair a little bit more conservatively. I'm seriously tired of people, my homo-peers, finding this acceptable. In fact, actually know a twink that actually let his grow out so long that he secures in a pompadour with bobbypins! (FREAKING BOBBYPINS!). Now, an important message from me which applies to all things in the world of beauty:::: JUST BECAUSE IT LOOKS GOOD ON A MODEL DOES NOT MEAN IT WILL LOOK GOOD ON YOU. 

 Models make it look more acceptable, but still it looks like half a haircut.

There, I said it. Models can get away with a lot in terms of the clothing and hairstyles they sport. But for those of us who have shorter frames, higher bodyfat percentages, and less-chiseled faces who aren't the currently featured in the campaigns of Viktor and Rolf or MAC Cosmetics, you need to check yourself before you wreck yourself. Dress for your bodytype and get haircuts that frame YOUR face. So boys and girls, if you are contemplating your next haircut, lets keep things a little more classic shall we?

Bottom line for this post, I would like to see the gays of New York in less of this:


 go back to a little more of this:

Friday, May 25, 2012

New offensiveness...ANGEL EYES

SOOOOO..theres a new thing that is bothering me. And it happens to be the OPPOSITE of racoon eyes (racoon eyes results from the over application of black shadow and eyeliner around the ENTIRE periphery of the eye, think Avril Lavigne or Taylor Momsen , though Momsen pulls it off because she goes balls out with it-see below)

However, the opposite is a disturbing new phenomenon called Angel Eyes. This problem occurs when one OVER highlights the inner corner of their eyes. The trick of applying a small amount of white shimmer to the inner corner of the eyes as well as the under eye area has been around for a while, and is a great way to open up the eye and really brighten your appearance (Done correctly-see below).

But lately, people have gone WAAAAAAY overboard with their concealer and shimmer and have come up with their under eye area looking like a unicorn threw up a moonbeam under their eyes. PLEASE HOLD OFF, its very easy to overdo it, especially if you have naturally darker skin. My tip- if you go beyond halfway to the outer corner of your eye, you have gone too far. Keep it close to your tear ducts and blend into the rest of your shadow on your upper lid.

Angel eyes at their worst- as you can see the white coloring looks entirely unnatural, but God love Amy Childs for being Amy Childs.


After a long hiatus and a whole lotta fabulousness. I am back blogging about all things beautiful. Of course I'll be updating the look of my page, as well as writing to you about new products, new trends and any prevailing style abortions that may be upsetting me. Also above is me in Vogue Italia. YUP.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Pretty Little Things

Back again! After a stressful week of strutting my stuff in the Strawberry One-Act Theatre Festival in New York City I'm here with some more fun little extras. This past week I also taught another makeup and hair course to the students enrolled in the final week of Ballet Theatre Company's Summer Intensive. I taught the hair-do's and donts of ballet for both studio and stage. I gave an in-depth look at how to properly secure a bun, and the difference between bobby pins and hair pins (the former would be used to secure the hair itself in a bun, the latter to secure the hair net over the bun and to the rest of the head). I also gave a brief lecture about the different curls that can be produced using the same curling iron. For instance:
1. Starting at the ends of the hair, clip the hair to the barrel of the iron and roll the hair under. This produces banana curls (though they would rarely be seen in the everyday)- which are standard for any Clara (The Nutcracker) in the making:
Unfortunate Curls

The banana curls in action with the lovely Rani Vance as Clara in a sickening arabesque

2. OR. Open the curling iron clip -starting nearest the root- and physically wrap the hair around the iron and then shut the clip to secure the hair (Basically the opposite of the banana curl). This creates a more natural spiral:
For makeup I did a soft ethereal look. Which could be used for anumber of ballets, including the corps of Giselle, Sleeping Beauty, and of course Swan lake.
 To get the look I used a Champagne matte color over the entire lid. I then used a soft rose shimmer to wing out the edge and finished with a bright, sparkly white on the browbone and inner corner. I also used a sharp-edged brush (I recommend the MAC 266) to bring some shimmer on the lower lash line as well. This creates a soft angelic look:

NOW! Onto my new favorite segment- "Pretty Little Things" Which in no way resembles Oprah's "Favorite Things"list...soooo yah. These items are my go-to, never-fail, amazing beauty products that I think everyone should enjoy and know about.
It goes without saying that a work of art wouldn't be possible without a fresh clean canvas. Same goes for makeup and hair- If your skin isn't healthy, makeup can only go so far without a clear base on which to be applied. So my first spot on "Pretty Little Things" is about skin care products- most notably, the ones that I use on myself! Obviously you have to use what works for your skin type and I highly recommend seeing a professional to learn what would be best to keep your skin healthy and clear! For me, I have highly-sensitive, combination skin that is prone to break out with the slightest provocation. I literally do not touch my face with my own fingers. EVER. This would induce blockages and redness, and eventual zits. This is the plight of the Irish. Thankfully I have discovered a haven for all things skin related: Susan Perry Skin Care in Plymouth MA! This award-winning skin care and medi spa, gives the most incredibly wide array of relaxing facials from an amazing friendly and experienced staff. But more importantly for the purpose of this blog- they have a brilliant line of products, upon which my skin relies for clarity and supple-ness. This includes the following:
1. The Dermalogue Cleansing liquid ($22)- contains a number of botanical ingredients that helps ease oil-prone skin ( I use it twice a day- its genius and cleans away makeup easily!):

2. The Skin Renewal Creme ($21)- which is ideal for overly sensitive skin, helping it become less reactive to the daily onslaught of bacteria and other skin irritants:

These products combined have made my skin PERFECT! So if you ever have the chance, it would be to your benefit to give the salon a visit.

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Spur of the Moment Trip to Mohegan Sun Casino

So after I finished teaching dance class on Friday. I was made aware of the fact the the cast of the VERY makeup and hair-intesive show Jerseylicious was going to be signing autographs at Mohegan Sun Casino. So myself and my roomate Carolyn drove-dance gear on- straight to New London in hopes of catching a glimpse of the smokey-eyed cast. Ater catching a glimpse of the line however, we asked ourselves- "What would the Jerseylicious cast do?" and quickly concluded that waiting was passe and that drinks and shopping were in order instead. So following some tequila we came back to catch a converstaion with Gigi's (one of the members of the cast) mother- who was very nice ( we also learned she used to work for Chanel's makeup department) as well as chatting up one of the interns-Susan, who was working the event.  Susan, in fact, was rocking the feather-extension look the right way, as well as keeping us within the security bounds of the Jerseylicious stars.

After a while, and a trip to the bar-where we carried our drinks out, which is the true prupose of any casino- we headed back to the Jersey-ites. The line had come to an end, and we jumped in last minute and I grabbed some quick facetime to Olivia (aka the star of Jerseylicious)! We snapped a quick, albeit poor-quality picture and had enough time for Olivia  to complement my nails and to tell me I looked fabulous in my dance wear. Let this be a lesson to you: Dont waste time on celebrities waiting for tickets and autographs with the rest of the crowd! You have a better chance to win front row seats or run into them after an event at the back door of a nearby bar- at which point you can actually get serious face time with them. In the time you would have spent waiting you could go out and actually have a good time.

 Following this, we headed to Sephora. Obviously. While testing out products and trying to touch up, we came upon the Liquid Aqua Liner by Makeup For Ever. Which I must say packs a serious punch of color and solid lining technique which has been the look as recently as spring:

Meanwhile, I was approached by a rather inhebriated woman with two toddlers in tow. She informed me she was on the way to the Rihanna concert that night- she was clad in rocker-chich leather and jeans who asked me (even though I dont work at Sephora) to apply false lashes and fix her eye makeup. So I applied flared, winged tipped lashes- Sephora brand, cleaned up the liner and mascara she had on, and let it dry. . To finish the look, I then applied liner and new mascara, curled the lashes into the false ones and applied a pale wash of violet over the lids. Let it be known I did all this with sample brushes and makeup in the middle of a crowded store- now THATS resourceful.